Friday, November 25, 2005

Finally life's making sense. Took a while, but I think I'm now actually understanding things a bit better. Over the last few days I went from bad to worse about dealing with things, but last night I saw a tape I had hired out from the church library. It's called "Taking Back What Belongs To You" Joyce Meyer. Man it helped me put things into perspective so much more than I ever have done before. You see, I was blaming the person/persons who have hurt me ages ago and I could never seem to get over it. I didn't know why and I finally decided I needed to deal with it before it consumed me. So I started dealing with it as I wrote on my blog. However, I still had the wrong mindset. I thought I needed to just accept it and move on. This however is not the case. Not entirely. I learnt from this tape that it is ok to get angry, but you shouldn't get angry at people. Get angry at SATAN. He is the real culprit. This is what is called religious anger. I call it channeling my anger. I can still be angry, but instead of letting that anger control me, use it against Satan. I like that idea and I can finally have piece of mind cuz instead of blaming many, I only blame one. A lot easier ;) So yea. Now I'm finally happy. Thank you Opawa tape library lol. *hugs* to everyone.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

My Soul
My soul it longs to feel once more,
The beating of my heart.
For heart and soul to combine,
For happiness to start.

For in thy devine eyes,
Is where my happiness lives.
But alas my King through your hidden eyes,
I'm lost and can't forgive.

Dost thou seek my broken heart,
To mend, to tend, and love?
Then where's the staff to show the way?
Or a message from above?

Broken pieces, broken pieces,
Whatever shall I do?
Please put them all together,
So your eyes are in my view.

By Aliesha Jane Brown

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Well, the other day I ended up comming face to face with my main issue. Literally! What I will say is that it is about someone from my past. Anywyay, I ended up comming face to face with them. Seeing them when I didn't really want to. Well, I was not happy, but at least now I'm sorting through my feelings about the whole thing. Instead of hidding my feelings, I actually started to let them out. I found that I am still really, really angry about the whole thing and about him. At least I know how I really feel. The next step I think after realising these feelings is to deal with them. I'm still not sure how I'm gonna do that, but I'm 100% positive that God will show me. I've had all this anger all bottled up so I'm glad it's comming out, so it won't be bottled up anymore. I'm so grateful to God for helping me through this. I'm not sure how I would have handled this without him. He really is my rock and my protector. Trust me. Rely on him and you can't go wrong. Praise God!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

My issues are slowly dissappearing and I haven't even talked to anyone properly about it yet. I'm so glad I have God helping me out with them. He's showing me my issues and some ways to deal with them. One of my issues is about crying and I hate crying. Well tonight I cried and I'm feeling more and more comfortable with it. That's a good thing cuz now I won't be bottling things up. Well, not so much anyway. It's something God and I are still working on, but it's going real well.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Feeling Better
Man I am feeling so much better. I took the day off on Wed night and let Adelle take the girls as I thought I needed to try to deal with stuff more and wasn't really up to it. I called it a 'mental health day'. I ended up relaxing in the end and I feel God has been teaching me patients. I know that doesn't sound like it realates, but between the being patient and relaxing I am so much more stress free. So yea, I am feeling a lot better. I still have stuff to deal with of course, but at least now I won't get stressed about it lol.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Man does the devil hate me! I'm still dealing with those issuses I mentioned, yet everytime I try to put some time asside to deal with it a little more, something else comes along to deal with on top of it. I've come to the conclusion that that satan is trying to stop me from dealing with this. Well he's got another thing comming! I came to this conclusion also due to the fact that dealing with this would help me grow emensely. Anyways, I'll continue on this journey with the intention of growing more through Christ and the determination to not let anything else get in the way or stop me from reaching my full potential with and through him.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Thank you
Thank you for all your prayers. They are working! I'm starting to finally deal with my issues with an amount of clarity I have never had before. You see, I thought this was one big issuse really, but it's not. It's lots of little ones. So, with that in mind I can look at things a little easier. Here's some advise for others. If you have a problem, deal with it at the time. It makes it a LOT easier in the long run.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Prayer Needed...
I am dealing with some stuff at the moment and would like people to pray for me. That would be great. We all face issues in our lives, but I have avoided dealing with some issues for too long now. It has gotten too much for me. I am o.k, but just need a lot of prayer right now. Thank you. I may in time open up a little more about this when I am ready. We shall see.